They’re Watching Us!

When my daughter Katie was four years old, she enjoyed pretending to cook in the play kitchen at her grandparents’ house. One time my mother-in-law, who was laughing hysterically, called me into the room to observe Katie, who was watching her little pot on the stove, with her hands on her hips, swishing side to side, and humming to herself. I laughed, too, wondering where in the world this came from! Then a couple of days later, as I was standing in front of my [actual] stove, waiting for water to boil, I suddenly realized what I was doing… I had my hands on my hips, swishing side to side, and I was humming to myself.

I never realized that I did this! And now I realize it every time I do it, and it makes me think of little Katie and all the other things that she and her siblings have probably picked up from me without my realizing it.

I’m sure every one of us can share a story of a time when we were surprised (or horrified) by something our child said or did, because we realized that they were repeating words or actions that came from us! Ouch. So much of what our children learn from us is “caught” rather than “taught.” In other words, they are picking up on traits, actions, and habits simply by being around us and in our home environment; we don’t even have to use words to teach them.

Thankfully, this isn’t [always] a scary thought. Because I’m sure that every one of us can also share a story of a time when we were quite pleased (pleasantly surprised?) by our child’s words or actions that were actually really nice and even unprompted. So the good news is that our children pick up on the good as well as the, er, not-so-good.

With all of this in mind, though, wouldn’t it be good if we were rather intentional about mixing in a large dose of “taught” in with the “caught”? We can think of it as teaching-as-we-go, kind-of like having our children shadow us in on-the-job training. We can look for teachable moments throughout every day. We can give simple explanations for some of the decisions we make or actions we take. And when we make a bad decision or let unkind words or actions escape, we can own it and confess it. When our children see us doing this, it will make it easier for them to do the same when they make mistakes. They will see that it’s just as normal to ‘fess up as it is to mess up.

In addition to being intentional about having teachable moments with our children, we should also make a habit of being consciously aware of the examples we are setting for our children every day. Let’s take this job of parenting for what it really is: the opportunity to mold and shape entire human beings!

Parents, what examples are we setting for our children? As they observe us throughout our days, are they learning to love and accept others or hate and reject them? Learning to use their words to be positive and build people up or gossip and tear people down? To serve others or expect to be served by others? To give their best effort or do just enough to get by (at most)? To give validity to every person they encounter or just look right through people, as though they don’t matter? To be kind and respectful or rude and self-serving? To be honest or to cheat (or “tell white lies” or “cut corners” or whatever you call it to justify it)? To be generous or stingy? To be patient or demanding? To be thankful or feel entitled?

We are our children’s greatest and most constant teachers. And whether or not we think they’re paying attention, let me assure you they are. So what are they learning from us?

Want to hear more about taking advantage of teachable moments with our kids? Watch my Facebook page or my Instagram for posts with hashtags #teachablemoments and #asyouaregoing.