Along the Road

These are pictures of my two adopted sons, Carlos and Brandon. The picture on the left was taken around four years ago, before they even knew there was a family ready to adopt them. The picture on the right was taken after they had been home with us for around three years. They didn’t know that either picture had been taken.

When I look at the side-by-side comparison, a lot of thoughts rush through my brain. In some ways, the pictures are not very different. And to be honest, in some ways the boys themselves are not very different after being home with us for three years. When I first saw the picture with Carlos’ arm around Brandon, I got all emotional and sentimental with the ideas of Carlos watching out for his younger brother and of Brandon feeling his older brother’s protection.

Now I know that Carlos, quite likely, had Brandon in a headlock.

Nevertheless, the picture is special to me, for it represents a time when all they had was each other–for better or for worse. The harsh reality is that if we or someone else hadn’t stepped in to adopt these boys, they most likely would’ve been split up. Carlos might’ve even aged out of the system, which means he would be sent out on his own at a certain age to figure out life all by himself.

It was thoughts such as these that led us to adopt older children.

Now we praise the Lord for keeping Carlos and Brandon together, for striking something in my heart when I first saw a picture of them, and for working out all the details for us to bring them home to be part of our family!

It has not been an easy road for any of us…at all. In fact, the road–the journey itself–is what really impacts me about these two pictures. I wonder what the boys were thinking and talking about in the first picture. Did they even feel hope that they would be adopted? Or had they just settled in to orphanage life after five years and assumed that this is how it would be from now on?

In the second picture, where we were walking in the Hearts of Compassion 5K (an event that helped us raise money for our adoption and that we participate in every year), I still wonder what they were thinking and talking about. (There was no headlock this time, but that’s probably because I was walking only a few feet behind them.) I wonder if this is at all what they thought their lives would be. I wonder if they feel happy or hopeful or if they feel discontent or discouraged.

Probably nothing looks the way any of us thought it would look. There is so much unknown to be experienced through adoption. Much unknown in the past (especially when adopting older children) and much unknown in the future. The road is hard. Very hard. I am thankful that we do not have to make the journey alone. I am thankful that we are not without hope. And I am thankful that Carlos and Brandon have each other, because having someone close who knows and understands everything you’ve been through is so important. Whether they realize it now or not, they are a gift to each other. I pray that their relationship grows and deepens as they get older. And that the headlocks become fewer along the way.

For those families who have adopted older children, I want to encourage you to look for the little things to celebrate along the road. Look for any improvements made, steps taken, behaviors changed, moods lightened, words softened. Try to take notes along the way, so that you have written proof that growth is happening. It takes so much time and so much hard work, but the importance of the work cannot be minimized. The road is long, but the journey is made one step at a time.