Please Listen

Parents, this poem might resonate with you, as it did with me when I read it today. Actually, it felt more like a big brick dropped on my head, because I very much struggle with jumping right into advice-giving when my children come to me with a problem. Listen. We must listen first!

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When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen.
Not to talk or do–just hear me.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But when you accept as a single fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince you
and get to the business of understanding what’s behind this feeling.
So, please listen and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn;
and I’ll listen to you.

“Please Listen” (Author Unknown)