Patience is a Virtue . . . and a Goal

Last January, our family had a discussion about setting goals for ourselves. Things like tying shoes, riding a bike, learning to swim, and blowing a bubble were mentioned by my then 4, 6, and 8-year-old children. I thought these were great! Even better was the fact that for a few days after this goal-setting session, each of them would exclaim, “I thought of another goal!”  So I could tell they were really pondering this idea.

One day as Katie and I were in the car, she said, “Mommy, I thought of two more goals for me!”

“Really?,” I said. “What are they?”

“I want to learn to be patient and to be nice to everybody.”

“Wow, Katie! I think those are really wonderful goals,” I said, thinking that my four-year-old had wisdom beyond her years.

“And I don’t even know what ‘patient’ means!,” she said almost proudly.

Smiling to myself, I began to explain. “Well, being patient means that–“

“Hey! I can’t get this unlocked!,” she interrupted.

Case in point, I thought.

Katie’s lack of patience in getting the door unlocked right in the midst of our conversation about this very virtue made me wonder how many times I personally have desired to be more patient (and I do know what it means), only to find that my fuse has actually shortened, not lengthened. I think this is why people tell you to be prepared if you pray for patience. It seems that the more we desire it, the more we are tested in it. 

Somehow my patience runs thinnest with my children than with any other people group. Is this because they know how to push my buttons? Because they’re so much like me? Because I know they’ll love me even if I lose my temper? No matter what the reason is, it is still a challenge.

While the obvious goal is never to lose my patience in the first place, we all know that perfection in this area is unlikely. So when I do lose my composure with my children–or anyone else, for that matter–my goal should then turn into one of humility and remorse, which can be even harder than being patient. When I mess up, my children need to see that I try to make it right.  And actually, I’ve found that it’s much easier to apologize to a child than it is to a grown-up. Again, maybe it’s because I know they’ll love me no matter what.

It’s been a year now since Katie set the patience goal for herself. I have a feeling it will show up on both of our lists again this year.