Much More Than a 5K

My family and I just participated in our fifth Hearts of Compassion 5K. This annual event is a tremendous fundraiser for families who are in the process of adoption. It was a great help to our family when we were working to bring Carlos and Brandon home from Colombia, so we very much like to participate each year.

But since it’s 2020, the HOC5K was very different this time. Participants weren’t able to be all together in one place for the race; we didn’t get to see the fundraising adoptive families in person; and we didn’t get to rejoice with past fundraising families, whose children are now home with their forever families. Some small groups of people got together at various locations to walk/run together, but my family of seven wasn’t even able to make that happen. Instead, we split up in two different time slots, so that we could accommodate each of our schedules.

My oldest daughter Callie and I walked together at a park on Saturday. We stayed on the paved walking path and kept both a steady pace and a steady conversation. It was good mother/daughter time, and we enjoyed having no interruptions. Our course and our goal were laid out before us, and we accomplished what we set out to do. Pretty straightforward.

Then on Sunday, I joined my husband, our other four children, and one of our dogs for my second 5K of the weekend. This was a very different experience…

We didn’t go to a park and walk on a concrete path. We weren’t concerned about race times. We just wanted to enjoy an afternoon hike together. So we walked through the woods and occasionally alongside the road on the Natchez Trace Parkway. If you look closely in the above picture, you can see my son Brandon walking on top of the concrete barrier (you know, the one that’s supposed to keep you from falling into the water below). I did well, though–I didn’t tell him to get down. Instead, I bit my lip and took deep breaths until his adventurous self made it safely to the other side. A few minutes later, his adventurous self led him to this situation…

Again, I took the deep breaths and refrained from telling him to get down or even to be careful. I merely asked him if he was at all scared (“Nope”), and I emphatically told him that “No one is challenging you right now” when he was deciding between carefully scooting back down the fallen tree on his rear end or trying to run down it. He compromised with himself by scooting down the top half and running down the bottom half. Meanwhile, my daughter’s finger hovered over the Call button to 9-1-1. But Brandon made it down safely.

At this point, Carlos and Brandon both ran way ahead of us with our dog Dallas, which was fine since he was on a leash. We were only a mile into our hike, and the other four of us were taking our time, enjoying the scenery and conversation, when my son Caleb got stung by a bee. Since Caleb has had allergic reactions to stings in the past, we decided that he and I should turn around and head home to tend to it.

The rest of the troops stayed to roam the woods and finish their 5K. After I got Caleb home and tended to his sting, I got the call from Kevin to start heading back to pick them up. Once I got to the pick-up location, I saw everyone except Kevin. He had been looking for Brandon, who had run off way ahead of them again–this time with Dallas and no leash, which caused Kevin much fear and frustration. Eventually we were all in the same location, and we drove home without taking a cute group picture to mark the finish.

Not exactly your typical 5K scenario. In fact, I still hadn’t completed the [second] 5K myself, and I really wanted to. I felt determined, so I took to the sidewalk in our neighborhood and finished it by myself.

Done.

Friends, if you know families who have adopted, or if you have personally adopted, you understand that my second 5K of the weekend was a much more accurate picture of the adoption journey than my first 5K was. It is rarely straightforward and never on a neat path. It can be risky and dangerous. There are interruptions, setbacks, and hurt. Sometimes you end up in a tree (or out of it…). And it can be hard to keep everyone together. Sometimes people stray and get lost.

But we continue. We cannot mark our progress by time, placement, comparisons, or appearances, but we continue. Sometimes we truly have no idea how we’re doing, which might be the hardest part of all. We aren’t sure if we are even going the right way, because the course isn’t clearly laid out. And we don’t know where the finish line is…or if one even exists!

This is why we NEED support. We need friends and family to encourage us along the way. Better yet, jump in the race and walk/run/stumble/crawl through it WITH us. This is not a journey to be taken alone. There is no glory or special prize for pretending we don’t need help.

Adoptive families: If you do not have a supportive community who cares for your family, I pray that you find one soon. Be intentional in seeking it out!

Everyone else: Look for ways to support adoptive families. Don’t wait for them to ask and don’t wait till they are in crisis. Be proactive in ministering to them. There are hundreds of ways you can do this!

I am writing this in what happens to be National Adoption Month, but it is true and applicable all year round. Yes, check on your adoptive friends during November, but don’t forget about them December-October. The support we need doesn’t end when the funds have been raised and the family has been welcomed home with signs and cheers at the airport. Don’t assume that all must be well just because you haven’t heard anything different. Even if our children have been with us for years now, we still need the support. We probably don’t need your advice (unless you are particularly educated and skilled in these areas), but we could sure use your words of encouragement and your prayers. We aren’t asking you to give us false praise or shallow compliments; that’s not what we’re after. None of us are heroes or Saviors, so please don’t say things like that. We screw up and/or feel discouraged pretty much all the time. And we are most definitely tired. So what we really need to hear is encouragement just to stay the course and not give up. And if you see any glimpses of growth and progress in our kids, it would mean so much for you to share it with us, because it can often be difficult for us to see it on our own.

The adoption journey is no 5K, but I’m not sure it’s a marathon either. There’s not really a good comparison. And unless you’ve personally adopted, you cannot fully understand what it’s like. And that’s okay! I firmly believe that not everyone is called to or should adopt, but everyone CAN be of help in some way to care for the orphaned/abandoned and those who make them part of their forever families. For those who have encouraged and supported my family along the way, THANK YOU! (Also, please keep it up.)