Let’s Take Responsibility…And Pass It on to Our Children

Responsibility. It’s a quality that we all desire for our children. We parents must realize, however, that responsibility is something that must be taught. And we are the ones who must teach it.

Start Early

The key to raising responsible kids is to start early. Even toddlers can be taught to help with simple tasks around the house, such as putting away toys, picking up clothes, or even washing tables. As our children grow and mature, additional skills can be taught, and more responsibility can be given. If our kids are expected to help with household chores from an early age, they will be less likely to question the responsibility and will instead just come to expect it.

It’s also never too early to start teaching our children responsibility in schoolwork. For example, we can give them a couple of options and then let them decide when and where to take care of their homework each day. In the afternoons, we can resist immediately going through their folders in search of letters and papers to be signed and first give them a chance to take the initiative and show us their work or ask for our signatures. Starting good habits early will prevent a lot of headaches later.

Lead By Example

There are a few different ways to lead by example. First, it is important to actually demonstrate responsibility to our children. Expecting them to fulfill a task without their having first observed someone else doing it doesn’t work very well. Our kids learn by watching other family members, and they also enjoy performing tasks more if they are working with others, which is the other part of leading by example. If our kids see us actively taking care of household chores and other responsibilities, they are more likely to want to jump in and help.

What kinds of examples do we set when it comes to work habits? Are we planners or procrastinators? Organized or messy? Cheerful or resentful when it comes time to work? Our kids pick up on these attitudes and habits, and they will soon reflect them.

Let Them Do For Themselves

Until children are nearly two years old, we parents literally have to do every single thing for them. So it’s no wonder that this habit is often difficult for us to break. In fact, many times it does not even occur to us parents that children are perfectly capable of performing particular tasks. Instead of jumping right in to solve a problem or get something done, we should first wait (even if it takes a while) and see if our children can accomplish things on their own. This especially applies to schoolwork.

Honestly, so many things are just easier and faster for us parents to do ourselves, instead of teaching our kids to do them for themselves. In the long run, though, we all benefit from our children’s independence from us.

Don’t Bail Them Out

Let’s face it. It’s really hard to stand by and watch our children fail or have to learn something “the hard way.” It’s equally hard [Read: annoying] to listen to them whine or complain about having to complete a task. But these are the only ways they will continue to learn responsibility, and we parents must not let them off the hook.

If our children leave schoolwork at home, we shouldn’t always rush to take it to them. If they feel that a chore is too difficult (and we know it isn’t), we should make them stick with it until it is completed—even if it takes all day. If we told them they couldn’t go to a party until their bedrooms were clean, we should stick to it, no matter how “important” the party is.

Most of the time, natural consequences are the most effective teachers. Let’s not try to save our children from them.

Teach Them To Serve Others

One of the great keys to learning responsibility is to look and think beyond ourselves. Children who are taught to serve others—including those in their own families—learn that being responsible affects more people than themselves. And we want these effects to be positive ones. Children who are taught to serve those around them are also learning to be less selfish and more considerate of others, causing them to be better citizens, friends, family members, and leaders.

Give Them Feedback

Positive reinforcement works. So if we see our children exhibiting responsible behaviors and making wise choices, we should tell them so! We parents often find it easy to point out our children’s wrongdoings but sometimes ignore those opportunities to applaud the favorable actions and decisions made by our kids. We all know how good it feels to be recognized for doing something well or right. It only encourages us to continue to do well and right! Our children appreciate the same treatment.

We just need to be careful not to err on the side of solely using positive reinforcement. After all, if our kids are never corrected, they will never learn from their mistakes (or even realize they made one).

Be Consistent in Expectations

Clarity, consistency, and follow-through are vital tools to keep in our parenting belts. And they are certainly key in raising responsible kids. Children who know what their parents expect of them have a better chance of actually accomplishing these things. And if these expectations are not met, our children should assume that there will be some sort of consequences.

Let’s set our children up for success. We need to let them know what we expect and let them know what will happen if they do (or do not) carry out their responsibilities. This system of cause and effect is never outgrown, so it is better for our kids to learn it when they’re young.

Teaching our children responsibility is definitely not an easy job. But it is well worth it. Teachers, coaches, friends, family members, and other parents will thank us for it. Chances are, our children will thank us for it, too. Eventually.

Below are some helpful lists from “The Happy Housewife,” Toni Anderson, from thehappyhousewife.com:

Age-Appropriate Chores for Kids

Toddler (ages 2 and 3)

• Pick up/put away toys
• Unload the dishwasher (silverware, plastic cups, tupperware)
• Dust with a feather duster or microfiber rag
• Swiffer the floor
• Put clothes in the dirty-clothes hamper
• Collect dirty clothes
• Help get clothes from washer to dryer
• Put clothes away
• Make bed
• Wipe cabinets
• Wipe baseboards (soapy water)

Preschooler (ages 4-5)

• All toddler chores
• Load the dishwasher
• Vacuum couch/ chairs/ cushions
• Take out recycling
• Set table
• Clear table
• Wash dishes (with supervision)
• Clean windows
• Wipe out bathroom sinks
• Match socks
• Fold dish towels
• Weed

Early Elementary (ages 6-8)

• All toddler and preschool chores
• Meal prep (wash produce, find ingredients, simple cutting)
• Wipe bathroom sinks, counters, toilets
• Hang out laundry
• Sweep
• Vacuum
• Collect garbage
• Get mail
• Fold/hang laundry
• Clean microwave
• Rake leaves

Elementary (9-11)

• Make simple meals
• All previous chores
• Take garbage/ recycling to the curb
• Wash/ dry clothes
• Clean toilets
• Mop floors

Middle School (12-14)

• Clean tub/ shower
• Make full meals/ meal plan
• Clean out fridge/ freezer
• Mow yard
• Supervise younger children’s chores