Growth Spurts: A Farewell and a Letter to My Younger Self

Note: This post was the final installment of my “Growth Spurts” column, which I wrote for Parents & Kids Magazine for nearly a decade. Please enjoy…

I started writing “Growth Spurts” almost ten years ago. My three biological children were 5, 7, and 9 years old at the time, and I didn’t even know that my two now-adopted sons existed. And now I find myself writing the very last installment of this column that has been so meaningful to me (and hopefully, to some of you). I’ve personally done lots of learning and growing through motherhood during this decade, so I thought it would be fitting to end it with a letter to my ten-years-ago self…

Dear Carrie,

I am writing to you from the future (crazy, right?). There are some things I thought you should know. First of all, I know you struggle sometimes with the constancy of motherhood during this stage with young children. There aren’t a lot of breaks, and the daily grind can be rough. I need to tell you, though, that this part of parenting doesn’t really ease up in ten years. In fact, there will be days when you’ll wish you could go back to this stage and worry about things like your child falling off his bike vs. things like your child driving a car by himself at night.

I know you like your alone time and can get frustrated when you don’t get much of it, but I have to tell you that the investment you are making by being willing and open to conversations with your children at pretty much any time is going to pay off big time when they are teenagers! Teenagers can get a bad rap in this department, but your teenage children actually still really like talking to you and Kevin. I’m sure they don’t share every single detail about their lives, but they share both the highs and the lows with you and even ask for your input. Now, they might decide to start these in-depth conversations about the time you’re wanting to go to bed (or are actually IN bed), but you just need to go with it.

You will adopt two boys from Colombia. (Yeah, this is pretty big news!) You will love them, and they will love you, but your lives will be much more complicated than they were before. It would be great if you worked a little harder on your Spanish before bringing Carlos and Brandon home, but it’s okay if you don’t. Somehow you all manage to communicate, and thankfully, the boys learn English really quickly. Did I mention that they are incredibly handsome? They’re also really funny. Practical jokes are their love language, it seems. (You’ll adjust.) I need to warn you that parenting them will not be easy and will definitely not be instinctive. You will need help. And you will need breaks. Also, you will be homeschooling them for a time. But that might be more information than you can handle right now, since you’ve always sworn you would never homeschool…

You are going to go through some very, very hard things as a parent during this decade. Some things you never thought you’d be going through. Stay strong. Listen to your convictions. Listen to wise counsel from others. Pray, pray, pray. You and Kevin are such a good team. Both of you will face great discouragement and fear, but you will struggle together and come out stronger on the other side. You will want to throw in the parenting towel some days, but God will graciously renew your strength and desire. Trust His leading.

You are going to miss some things about the early childhood stages, but you are also going to enjoy a lot of things about the teenage stages. Honestly, every stage of child-rearing has both joys and frustrations. Try to focus on the joys. Also, you will be so glad that you took as many pictures and videos as you did, because you aren’t going to remember everything as well as you think you will. Especially not the sounds of their little voices.

You will make it through sending your first child to college pretty well, actually! Spoiler alert: She goes to Mississippi College, which makes it a lot easier, since it’s close to home and also your husband’s and your alma mater. Still, it’s a big deal to send her out on her own. The sentiment will hit you at different (random) times, but you’ll be okay.

You will see yourself–good and bad–in your children. Some of your own parents’ words will come tumbling out of your mouth at times, without warning. Your children will never become neat freaks (and you, sadly, will become less of one). You will find yourself at oh-so-many soccer games and will be excited when you receive the gift of a bleacher seat for Christmas. You will coach rec league volleyball and will like it a lot! You will occasionally hide in your bathroom and eat chocolate, just to help you get through the day. A thing called Kroger ClickList will change your life. Also, there will be a show called “This Is Us.” Brace yourself.

Oh! And one more thing…You will still be madly in love with your husband Kevin. He is still your best friend, your teammate, your rock. He loves you well, and he is an amazing father to your children. SO glad you married him.

You have a fantastic decade ahead of you, Carrie. Don’t miss the moments. Take it all in. It’s a wonderful journey…